


fault lines tremble underneath my glass house

by aletterinthenameofsanity



Series: the heaviness in my heart belongs to gravity [2]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fairy Tale Elements, Good Parent Maryse Lightwood, Hurt Magnus Bane, M/M, POV Magnus Bane, Sequel, and alec too, but Maryse can do that for me, but only before the next episode, past abusive relationships, to the first fic on this account, uh hi i'd like to hug magnus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-19
Updated: 2019-04-19
Packaged: 2020-01-15 06:45:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18493552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aletterinthenameofsanity/pseuds/aletterinthenameofsanity
Summary: Magnus holds Alec's face between his hands, stuttering through pleas. He's never been a coward. He's never been one who begged.But here, now- this is the man who he loves more than he ever has before. This is the man who he gave up his magic for, the man who has reassured and supported him more than any lover in the past.This is the man Magnus was- no, is, willing to grow old with. Though he will always have that gaping hole in his heart, will always miss his magic like he misses his own soul, he is willing to live with Alec, who understood that Magnus will always be missing that vital part of himself.Four centuries has taught him a lot, has taught him how to guard his heart, but with Alec he never has. Their last break was in order to help Magnus' people, but Magnus had known, even then, that Alec still loved him. And for awhile, that was enough, while Magnus had other things to turn his attention to.But now- Magnus' world is falling apart around him and Alec is the only part of it that is still standing. He can't go.(But Alec still leaves.)





	fault lines tremble underneath my glass house

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LittleSuzume](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleSuzume/gifts).



> Title is from "Earth" by Sleeping At Last, which this fic is basically written to.
> 
> Remember me? I'm the one who wrote the character study of Alec Lightwood in season 1 through the lens of a fairytale. If you haven't read it, all that's necessary to understand this is that there were constant references to a "fairytale" in which a prince buried his heart underneath a tower in order to protect it, only pulling it out to give to the man he loved.
> 
> Also, it took this episode. This stupid, glorious angst from an endgame couple. This and the finale of the Magicians (and why the fuck did I get invested in THAT). To bring me back into this fandom. So I hope you guys all enjoy!
> 
> (Because we all deserve a reprieve.)

_All the things yet to come are the things that have passed_

_Like the holding of hands, like the breaking of glass_

_Like the bonfire that burns_

_That all words in the fight fell to_  
  
_And I love too, that love soon might end_

_Be known in its aching_

_Shown in the shaking_

_Lately of my wasteland, baby_

-  **Hozier, _Wasteland, Baby_**

 

 

_You remember this story, don't you? The story of a prince and a warlock, who were both terrified of love but pretended not to be, who fell in love with each other despite everyone around them warning them not to._

_We've done this before. We've told the story of the little prince who buried his heart beneath a tower and only dug it up when he met a warlock. We've told the story of the dark-haired virgin and his knight, of the prince and his warlock, of their happy ending-_

_Except that's not quite right. There was no guarantee on their happy ending, no "happily-ever-after" to seal their first kiss. There are promises from one man to another, promises to stay, but these are men that are willing to destroy themselves for love._

_Is it any surprise that this story's happy ending starts to unravel?_

-

Magnus has spent four centuries falling in love with all the wrong people. He spent three hundred years trying and sometimes part way succeeding and having decades with people before they died or otherwise decided to leave him- and then Camille. And then  _Camille_ , with her blood red lips and her bright fangs and her wine-smooth voice.

Oh, how he'd fallen. How he'd worshipped her. For five decades, there had been nothing but her. He'd loved her and she'd drained him, but he hadn't cared. Not when she had smiled and she had called him beautiful and she  _hadn't left_.

No one before Camille had ever stayed. No one had kept him, had continued to love him. 

And so though her kisses hurt and her words flayed his heart open, Magnus stayed as well. Camille didn't leave, and neither did he.

-

_There is a siren, here, with her fire-bright eyes and enchanting tongue. There is a love story that is more of a tragedy than a fairytale._

_She burns our lovely warlock, leaves him for dust._ _He leaves her, but he always ends up returning. He loves too much, too deeply, to let go._

_He only stops returning when the prince arrives, when he finally, finally finds his True Love._

-

(Alec had promised he wouldn't leave, either. He had promised, over and over, that he would stay, that he would always be there for Magnus, that he would loved him no matter what.

Magnus should have known. By Hell, he should have known.) 

-

_The warlock isn't perfect or all-powerful; he is all too capable of losing._

_And lose he does- he loses his castle, his magic, his influence._ _He loses everything except the heart of the little knight-prince._

 _But the little prince can't bear to see his True Love in pain, so_ _the little prince goes to the Great Demon._

_"I will give my son back what he has lost," the Great Demon says, eyes glowing yellow, smile snake-like. "If you do me one small favor."_

_And the shining Prince, who has been warned of the tricks of Great Demons but who is too in love with the warlock to care, asks, "What favor is that?"_

_The little prince is too brave. Too selfless. He loves a man who is too selfless as well, who has given him up for his people, and so the little prince can do the same._

_What is the price of a prince's heart if that meant his True Love could be happy?_

-

"I didn’t know the spark inside of you, the one I fell in love with, was out for good."

Magnus holds Alec's face between his hands, stuttering through pleas. He's never been a coward. He's never been one who begged. 

But here, now- this is the man who he loves more than he ever has before. This is the man who he gave up his magic for, the man who has reassured and supported him more than any lover in the past.

This is the man Magnus was- no,  _is_ , willing to grow old with. Though he will always have that gaping hole in his heart, will always miss his magic like he misses his own soul, he is willing to live with Alec, who understands (understood, not understand, because apparently love was  _never_ _enough_ for Alec) that Magnus will always be missing that vital part of himself.

Four centuries has taught him a lot, has taught him how to guard his heart, but with Alec he never has. Their last break was in order to help Magnus' people, but Magnus had known, even then, that Alec still loved him. And for awhile, that was enough, while Magnus had other things to turn his attention to.

But now- Magnus' world is falling apart around him and Alec is the only part of it that is still standing. He can't go.

"Please, Alexander, stay with me-" 

But Alec still goes. He still leaves Magnus standing there, a sob trapped in his throat, a plea on his tongue. He leaves Magnus without a love, without a home, without his magic or immortality or  _anything_ to hold onto.

He leaves Magnus collapsing in on himself, his own words tightening like a noose around his neck, the man he loves abandoning him for his weakness.

-

_You remember this part of the story, don't you? The prince, being left there, standing and watching his life crumble in front of him. You remember the noose of words, the collapsing world, the heart under the tower._

_You remember the prince, burying his heart again, trying to save his family from his heart. You remember him standing at an altar, his heart not with him because he felt_ too much.

_But do you remember the warlock's weakness? It wasn't feeling too much, but putting up walls around his heart to stop the feelings from getting out. It was going numb for too long, giving up on hope. Giving up on happy endings._

_So the Prince leaves, stealing his heart to bury it back under that tower, and the Warlock is left to build his castle back up, to make himself a world that cannot be breached by handsome princes with earnestness in their eyes and a tremble to their words._

-

Within a few hours, Magnus isn't crying. He isn't grieving. He's just...cold. Empty. He has lost everything. His magic, his immortality, his job, his home, his love. He doesn't know who he is anymore. He doesn't know how to be mundane, to be unmagical, to be mortal without anything to support him.

He's been trying for the past few weeks. He's been trying to adjust, trying to find a way to be happy, trying to find himself a life with his unmagical hands. Magnus has never been one to give up, to give in, but right now- he needs to wallow, at least for a little while. He needs to sit, and breathe, and be numb.

Magnus needs to breathe. He needs to remind himself not to crumble any more, to not collapse inwards, to keep going.

A major part of being a warlock was learning not how to survive, but how to outlast. How to outlast betrayal and loss, love and grief, how to keep going even when everything has faded into death and dust. How to outlast the turning of the centuries, watching as people and things and even buildings collapse, leaving you as the eternal being, the always-witness.

So now he has to outlast this. He has to outlast this final betrayal, this final loss, this pain. He has to find a way to move again, to outlast until his own death, has to outlast past this.

(But what if he can't? Before, there was a reason why he had to outlast, an infinite future to look forward to. Now, though, there is only a quick-approaching end, a mortality he has never had to deal with before.)

And yet- he made the decision to save Jace, knowing the consequences. Knowing that he could lose his magic. Knowing that he might be left broken. And for what?

All for a boy he loves. That man who loved him and yet still left him, who told Magnus that he would stay and then abandoned him even as he'd begged.

And the worst part of it all? That Magnus knows that he would do it over again, every time, even knowing that it meant Alec would leave him like this. He would do anything to make Alec happy, to save the part of his soul entwined with Jace's, to protect and support him every way Magnus knows how.

- 

_Once upon a time, a warlock fell in love with a prince and the prince fell in love right back._

_You remember this story, don't you? You remember how it began, with the prince and his buried heart, with the warlock and his walled castle, and how it continued, with them falling in love and trading hearts and learning to love._

_(But no one remembers how it ends.)_

-

A few hours after Alec leaves the door to the shop opens, and Maryse enters. 

"What happened?" Maryse asks, eyebrow raised as she takes sight of him sitting in the chair in the corner of the shop.

"Alec broke up with me," Magnus says, and to his chagrin, his voice comes out rough. Apparently being mundane gives him a lot less lee-way over his voice after he's sobbed for awhile. He'd had a regular small charm that would repair the damage pretty quickly, but for now he's 

Maryse's expression goes utterly puzzled. "My son, Alec, broke up with you? But that doesn't make sense."

"He made it crystal clear," Magnus says, unable to keep the frustration in his voice.

"But he couldn't have broken up with you," Maryse says, confusion in her voice, "Because he just asked me for a ring yesterday."

Something cold settles into Magnus' spine, flushing out some of the emptiness. There's something wrong, here. Whether Alec lied today or yesterday, to him or Maryse- something is off.

"To do what?" Magnus asks, because maybe he's just jumping to conclusions, maybe Alec hadn't lied-

"To ask you to marry you," Maryse says, and there goes the bottom of Magnus' stomach. "I wouldn't have ruined the surprise otherwise, but something seems very off here. My son wouldn't have just broken it off with you. He  _loves_ you."

Magnus knows Alec once did. And maybe he still does. But what he said about Magnus' spark- Magnus doesn't think he does, anymore.

And to be honest, Magnus doesn't want to think about it. He doesn't want to think about the conversation that just happened in this room, about Alec leaving this room without a glance back, about the way Alec knew exactly where to target his words so that they would skewer Magnus directly in the heart.

"Well, whatever's happened, it doesn't matter," Magnus says, "I still need to get out of your store and find myself a place to sleep for the night."

Maryse looks at Magnus, something between bitter and sorrow in her eyes. Not pity, not really- empathy. "Well, Magnus, why don't you come stay with me?" Maryse offers, and Magnus blinks.

Why should Maryse care? She used to absolutely hate Magnus, to begin with, and even if she's gotten warmer to him than before, she's still Alec's mother. He and Alec have broken up, and whatever's going on, she should automatically take Alec's side.

"Why?" Magnus asks.

"We're a family, Magnus, I told you," Maryse says, and for the third time he is forced to face the fact that she's no longer the woman who tried to burn down his world. This woman- this  _mundane_ \- has lost as much as he has, in power, home, and love. She found herself in nearly the same position as Magnus did, and she made herself into something better.

Something warm curls in Magnus' chest, working against the emptiness. He still has someone- someone unexpected, but someone real, and similarly broken- by his side.

"Well, then," Magnus says, "Thank you, Maryse."

"It's no problem, Magnus," Maryse says with a smile.

-

_The witch of our last story is no longer a witch. She is just a former queen, stripped of her crown, caring too much about her children to let them self-destruct._

_Our warlock- he is no longer a warlock, either. He is a scared little boy, a scorned lover, searching to find a place of his own. He is grieving the loss of everything he knows and loves, trying to survive._  

_The warlock loves her son, and she loves the warlock in turn, for what he has done for her little prince._

_And when her son leaves the warlock, the queen has a choice._

_Does she uphold her promise to the warlock, the oath of family? Or does she follow her son?_

-

Magnus sits on Maryse's couch, a glass of sangria in his hands (Lilith bless Maryse for her choice in alcoholic drinks and her surprising talent in preparing them), listening to her tell a story about a coworker of hers. He thinks she's trying to distract him, and though welcome, it's not doing the job.

Then, in the middle of the word "Susan", something warm blooms in Magnus' fingers. A sensation he'd nearly forgotten begins to return, pinprick upon pinprick, and he's not certain what happened specifically, but he  _knows_  something of what happened yesterday.

His magic- it's returning.

Which means, well...

Magnus' heart flips a bit in his chest. He has a feeling about what Alec did, and his refusal to look Magnus in the eyes suddenly doesn't read like cowardice at his selfish actions.

Magnus knows where his magic was. He knows who had the power to return it. And he knows-

Alec.

"By Lilith," Magnus swears, half-thoughts forming in his mind as connections are made.

Magnus doesn't know how much of what Alec said last night was true. He doesn't know how much of what Alec shot in his face was how Alec really feels. He doesn't know how much was a deal with the devil, how much of it was Alec himself-

But he knows that a deal had to have been made for Magnus' magic. His father wouldn't have given away his magic otherwise.

Bitter hope rises in Magnus' chest as the tingling sensation spreads throughout his body, magic pulling at his skin, draining him of the energy to stay awake. (The feeling of his magic returning is utterly blissful, but the magic integrating itself back into his body, returning it immortal, is an incredibly exhausting process.)

Maryse has stopped in her story-telling. "Magnus," she says, eyes widening in concern, "Are you okay?"

Magnus looks down at his free hand, stretching out his fingers, and faint blue (blue, like his magic, not gold, not stolen, _his_ ) wisps appear for a moment before fading back into the skin. "My magic," he says quietly, reverently, "It's back."

"By the Angel," Maryse swears, "That's wonderful."

Magnus thinks of everything he has lost that he doesn't yet have back, and he swallows even as his eyes start to slip close from exhaustion. Wonderful is not quite the word he would use to describe this, if it had the price he thinks it did.

Maryse watches as he slumps back against the couch, laying down as his eyes fall shut. "Let me get you a blanket so you can sleep," she says, standing up from her armchair. "Returning magic must be tiring."

He can't even muster up a nod before he's slipping into sleep.

-

 _Our dear warlock has a father who is a Great Demon, a_ _nd that father has never learned what the little prince's mother did. He never_ tried _to learn._

_He knows best for his son, even if his son is miserable, even if his son is dying inside, even if the warlock swore never to love again._

_The Great Demon tries to rip apart the warlock and his True Love, and he nearly suceeds. After all, everyone knows that a warlock- half demon, half human- carries no guarantee of a happy ending. Neither do little princes who disobey royal edicts, who love outside of their station._

_This fairytale has no guarantee of a happy ending, and yet-_

_And yet._  

-

There's a knock on the front door that startles Magnus from his place sleeping on the sofa. He's been laying there for the past couple of hours, eyes closed as his magic seeps its way back into his body. The feeling is gloriously painful, the constant pinpricks under his skin as if his entire body has fallen asleep and was just waking itself back up. He must have been sleeping pretty deeply in order not to feel it. 

"I'll grab it," Maryse says, and he opens his eyes to see her getting up from the table and heading for the door.

Magnus' eyes threaten to fall shut again as he only distantly listens to her footsteps down the hallway. It's probably just a Mundane neighbor or the mailman, delivering-

"Mom?" Magnus hears an all-too-familiar voice say, and his heart- which doesn't know how to feel right now, whether to be shattered or angry or just fucking confused- lurches a bit in his chest because he recognizes that voice. He recognizes the brokenness in Alec's tone.

"Yes, Alec?" Maryse says, as if she doesn't have a recovering (ex?) warlock resting on her couch as his magic runs its course, knitting itself back into Magnus' flesh. 

"I...I did something really bad. And I can't explain it, 'cause there's a shitton of complicated stuff around it, but-" He hears Alec let out a small, muffled sounds of grief, and he's halfway to his feet to help Alec before he remembers where he is and what happened between them. (And the tiredness is really hitting him again, so he leans back against the sofa.) "-But I hurt someone. And I know that what I did was right, but-" He's stumbling over his words, and Magnus is still hurt but he can't help but want Alec's pain to stop. "But it can't stop. I have to keep going. I have to do what's right."

"This has to do with Magnus, doesn't it?" Maryse asks, cleverness not dulled by her newly-open kindness.

This time, Magnus does get up from the couch and pads across the living room floor, each step gently reminding him of the magic jostling under his skin.

"Mom, I-" Alec says, voice shaking just a little, and Magnus turns the corner to find his (ex) boyfriend clearly broken.

Alec's expression is mostly composed, but Magnus knows him. He knows the brokenness that is hidden under that stoicism, the wrinkles around his eyes, the slight twist to his lips that communicates the sheer pain he's feeling.

He can see the dark circles under Alec's eyes. He can see the clothes he's wearing- though not greatly wrinkled, they're yesterday's clothes.

Has Alec even slept? 

When Alec had broken his heart yesterday, his face had been stone. He had been certain, not a waver to his voice, not a hesitation to his words. But it's clear, now, that he's not certain. It's clear that he's been broken by what happened. Magnus' heart aches seeing Alec like this.

(Whatever deal was made, whatever Alec promised- to break Magnus's heart, to break his own, to give up his soul, to break off the relationship- it has ruined Alec as much as it has broken and then restored Magnus.)

Alec's eyes go wide as he finally sees the person past his mother's shoulder. "Magnus?"

"Tell me what happened," Magnus says quietly, too full of magical warmth and exhausted from magical synthesis to get angry. (He knows he will, within a few days, at this stupid Nephilim who gave up far too much in a deal Magnus  _knows_ happened, but for now- he's not going to argue.) "Tell me how my father made you that bargain."

Alec's goes paler than it already is- a feat that is hard to accomplish, considering how drained he already looks. "I can't tell you the details. Otherwise, I'll lose too much.  _You'll_ lose too much."

"Alexander, I know quite a bit about demonic deals from my centuries of life, and I would have to guess that your deal mentioned something about not telling me about the deal. Well, you didn't tell me. I figured it out on my own. The deal, whatever it was- if it came with a vow of not telling me what it was, you're not technically breaking it by telling me the specifics after I've already realized it." 

"Magnus, I-" Alec starts, but then pauses, swallowing and not looking Magnus in the eyes. "Your magic. I don't want to risk it."

Fondness warms Magnus' chest at Alec's concern. Yes, they'll have issues, but that Alec cares so much- he's not Camille. He was never like Camille, but now he's really trying to stay. He's really here for Magnus. He was willing to sacrifice their relationship to get Magnus' magic back, to make Magnus happy.

But then Alec keeps talking, and all Magnus wants to do is to tell him that the sacrifice isn't worth it, because he doesn't want Alec to believe that he would  _ever_ want Alec to give up his happiness for him.

"I'm not enough compared to your magic," Alec says, "You love me, and I love you, but I will fade. I will die. Your magic, if you have that- you can recover. You can put me in that box, or not, and keep going. You can stay alive. "

Magnus can feel the magic curling in the base of his throat but he can't focus on that. Instead, all he can focus on is Alec and the words he has to say. "Months ago, I told you that you would blow up the ground beneath your feet to make things right," Magnus says. "Well, I'm here to tell you that you don't have to do that. Not for me. I will never ask you to do that." Alec is blinking back rare tears, but Magnus doesn't stop. Alec needs to hear this. "I know you're willing to self-destruct for me. Now I want to see that you're willing to live for me as well." 

Alec swallows and locks his jaw straight. "Then I will only promise to take care of myself if you promise me the same. You never should have had to do what you did for Jace. You never should have had to give up your magic for my brother. Magnus, the reason why I made this deal, the reason why I promised what I did- it was because I realized that I had spent too long choosing other people over you. I love you, and your happiness and health are my number one priority."

Magnus swallows. Everyone before Alec- they left. They never stayed. Magnus had to outlast their losses, over and over, had to weather grief and pain and betrayal.

When Alec goes- Magnus will have to live beyond that, now that he has his immortality back (well, at least probably does, he'll probably have to run it by Catarina). But Magnus knows that Alec won't just be a token in his box. He won't just be a wall around Magnus' heart.

Alec will be the person Magnus loves most. He will be the one Magnus will hold onto for longer than any other.

"Alright, Alexander," Magnus says, and Alec's name tastes like manna upon his lips. "I love you, and I promise to take care of myself. I promise to love you so that you can love yourself."

"I will as well," Alec says, voice firm.

And then Alec steps forward, and so does Magnus, and they're hugging, pulling each other closer than Magnus thinks he could ever be with another person. Everything has broken, but for right now, it's healing, just a little. 

"I'm glad you two figured things out," Maryse says, voice impossibly warm, and a moment later he can feel her wrapping her arms around them. For a moment, Magnus appreciates the sensation of a group hug, one he hasn't experienced since Ragnor was around.

"Now," Maryse says after a few moments. "About that ring?"

"Mom!" Alec gasps, and Magnus can't help but chuckle, smile spreading wide over his lips.

-

_A happy ending isn't guaranteed. But when you have True Love, when you have two people ready to give up the world for each other, when you have a prince ready to sacrifice kingdom and warlock ready to sacrifice power, when they are the first people in each other's life to support each other without conditions- well, there is the possibility for a happy ending._

_If you're one for sappy endings, you're likely to find one here. There is the possibility for love to conquer all._

_Just leave our True Loves together, and time will likely give them the happy ending they deserve._

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you guys liked it! Writing this helped with some of the pain from this episode and the leftover emptiness of the Magicians, and helped patch over the stab wounds in my heart from the break-up scene, and I hope it was nice for you all to read as well.


End file.
